


Three-Sentence World-Spinning

by LadyShadowphyre



Series: tumblr prompt basket [30]
Category: Stargate (1994), Supernatural, Three Little Pigs (Fairy Tale), Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: 3 Sentence Fiction, Adopting a kitten au, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Animal Shelter AU, Artist AU, Bakery AU, Beekeeper AU, Beekeeper Castiel (Supernatural), Cats AU, College AU, Cowboys AU, F/F, F/M, Florist AU, Gabriel as Willy Wonka, Gordon Ramsey cameo, Hackers AU, Hockey AU, Hogwarts AU, Ice Skating AU, Kidnapping AU, Locked out and climbed through the wrong window au, M/M, Multi, Museum AU, Post-Episode: s13e18 Bring 'em Back Alive, Prince and peasant Au, Puppies AU, Role Reversal AU, Sam Winchester Has a Fear of Clowns, Selkie AU, Single Parent AU, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Star Trek Fusion, Summer Camp AU, Supernatural AU Drabbles, animal shapeshifter au, cooking show au, crossover AU, d&d cosplay au, diner au, dungeons & dragons AU, episode coda, fell asleep testing a store bed and woken by security au, figure skating AU, kansas farmboy au, lost a bet/fear of clowns au, lucifer is creepy, meeting in prison au, my brother stole your dog to make my shy ass talk to you au, mythology AU, online video game au, penguins au, pining over my brother's best friend and his adorable boyfriend au, police & catburglar AU, restaurant AU, road trip au, sam winchester is a noble and considerate fisherman, stuck outside the dorm in a towel during a fire drill au, superhero au, superhero/villain frenemies au, three little pigs parody au, two miserable people meeting at a wedding au, unexpected Facebook connection AU, zombieland fusion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-04-23 07:59:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14328084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyShadowphyre/pseuds/LadyShadowphyre
Summary: Here's where I'm collecting the various three-sentence AU drabbles I get prompted for over on tumblr. Each drabble is a self-contained AU with its own fandom and 'ship, and each chapter contains the drabble prompts received for the day. Ships, characters, and tags to be added as new prompts come in!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Zetal (Rodinia)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/gifts), [Caspian Pierce](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Caspian+Pierce), [UmbraeCalamitas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmbraeCalamitas/gifts), [BarryAllenIsTheFlash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarryAllenIsTheFlash/gifts), [totalnovaktrash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/totalnovaktrash/gifts).



> **"Sam/Cas, Puppies AU"**

Sometimes others forgot that, even though Sammy was head and shoulders bigger than Castiel, the Greyhound was actually older than him. Certainly they both had the same intense curiosity for everything around them, always sniffing and exploring and darting here and there to try and investigate everything. No matter how far Sammy got, though, all it took was one commanding bark and the golden retriever was back happily at Castiel’s side.

 

> **"Sam/Michael, Mythology or Fantasy AU"**

“He is an abomination,” the other gods whispered, turning mistrustful eyes upon the halfling god. “He will destroy us all,” they predicted in fearful tones that urged action against the horrors they were convinced the boy would inevitably unleash someday. With a heavy heart, Michael set his beloved Samael to guard the dead and hoped it would be enough to protect him.

 

> **"Sam/Benny, Figure Skating AU"**

“So what’cha thinkin’, cher, two-thirty-eight? Your base value’s more’n enough for it an’ nobody’s expected to break two-fifty this early,” Benny commented offhand, watching the fire spark in his skater’s eyes at the subtle challenge.

Sam straightened up from checking his laces and answered his coach with a hard kiss and a razor grin: “Watch me.”

 

> **"13.18 Coda of Cas comforting/reassuring Sam after Dean comes home and says he should've stayed in the AU"**

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it the way it sounded, Sam,” Castiel said, making sure he had Sam’s attention before carefully resting a hand on the taller man’s shoulder.

“He never means it, or at least he always pretends later that he didn’t mean it,” Sam answered with a heavy sigh, bringing one hand up to cover Castiel’s, a gesture of gratitude in return for the offered support. “Never stops it from hurting every damn time he does it.”


	2. Chapter 2

 

> **"Dean/Sam Restaurant AU"**

The diner was located off Route 66, and the elder of the two men who owned it swore that he’d named it “Kicks” just for that alone. The younger one always rolled his eyes and scoffed when he heard it, but the fondness in his eyes when he looked at the elder told a different story entirely. Besides, “Kicks” had a huge selection of beers on tap and the best damn burgers of anywhere East of San Bernardino.

 

 

> **"Sam/Gabe AU where Sam is a police officer(or FBI) and Gabriel is an infamous cat burglar(or thief/ crime-lord/ mafia boss, whatever) and Sam is working to stop said criminal activities and ends up getting captured by Gabriel and they both have high levels of mutual respect for their competitor (and hidden gay feelings) which emerge during a tense interrogation. All of the feels ensue."**

“Well, here we are again,” the golden-eyed man purred from his position atop his usually taller and uniformed opponent.

“If this is the start of a Portal reference,” the cop wheezed from where he was still trying to regain his breath from the smaller man’s surprisingly effective tackle, “I’m going to have to remind you that I’ve taken great pains not to even injure you too badly, never mind trying to kill you, because that’s just not my style and seriously, that throw you did just now shouldn’t have been possible from the angle of approach so how did you do that??”

“…Do you actually need to breathe at all, or is the heaving chest for my benefit?”

 

 

> **"Sabriel Single Parent AU"**

“Please tell me you’re the babysitter,” a rather harried and extremely handsome man groaned as he opened the door, flinching as something heavy crashed to the ground behind him.

Sam took a good look at the obviously exhausted man, then peered around behind him at the pile of squabbling children of varying ages, and held out a hand to shake as he mentally revised his intended noise complaint to say instead, “I’m Sam Winchester. Did you need to see any references, or should we skip to introductions and whatever health concerns your kids have that I should be aware of?”

 

 

> **"Sam/Michael Prince/peasant Au"**

It was a smile and a laugh that first caught and held the attention of Prince Michael from the street beyond the carriage. He turned his head, peering from the window to look after the surprisingly bright stretch of lips over teeth as the ringing sound of joy faded amid the clamour of the market, and his eyes caught and held the almost otherworldly gaze of the man standing head and shoulders above his fellows near one of the stalls. For just a moment, the world seemed to slow down to stretch the space between one heartbeat and the next into an eternity as prince and peasant locked eyes... and then the spell was broken as man's smile turned just a shade impish and he tipped his hat to the prince just before the carriage turned and took the sight of him away again.

 

 

> **"Wincestiel, penguins AU"**

Blue-Eyes was not used to unconditional acceptance and affection from other penguins, not since he first hatched and opened his unusually colored eyes to the world, and even less as he shed his chick down to reveal the strange white patches on his back that no other Adelie seemed to bear.

His two Emperor mates, on the other wing, were more than happy to make up for their little Adelie’s lack of affection growing up, taking turns going with him to fish and preening his feathers tenderly with their long beaks and never seeming to mind when his song wasn’t quite as fluid as theirs. Still, it wasn’t until he was coming back from fishing with Speckle to find that Crest had gathered up a bunch of pebbles into a semblance of an Adelie nest big enough for all three of them that he truly believed that they meant for him to stay with them forever.

 

 

> **"Sastiel, Kansas farmboy AU"**

“You know, there are certain stories about Kansas farmboys that are tall, strong, incredibly handsome and have fabulous hair,” Cas commented from where he was leaning against the split-rail fence, watching his boyfriend load hay bales into the bed of the old blue pick-up truck.

“Should I tell Dean you’re looking to trade?” Sam teased lightly on the end of a huffed breath as he tossed the last bale in and wandered over to the fence.

“Don’t ask stupid questions,” Cas laughed as he pulled his own personal Superman in for a kiss.

 

 

> **"Dean/Benny, cowboys AU"**

"Don't be gettin' any ideas about lovesick pinin' and shit," Dean growled as he shoved Benny back into the open sleeping bag lying just close enough to the banked fire pit to stay warm without risking setting them on fire. "This ain't  _Brokeback Mountain_ , capiche?"

"Whatever you say,  _partner_ ," Benny assured him with a roll of his eyes and pulled his emotionally stunted boyfriend - now husband - down on top of him for a thorough kiss to get their somewhat unconventional wedding night started off properly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's prompts all come from @astromechdroid-r2d2 over on tumblr!

 

> **"Dean/Balthazar, barista AU"**

_Special thanks to[@talkingtomyselfagain](https://tmblr.co/mnjC_ON94jpFMk0qHCMQfIw) for letting me borrow her coffee shop!_

“Welcome to the Feckin’ Bean, mate!” the blonde barista with the name tag “Balt” drawled, leaning against the edge of the counter on one hand. When Dean just blinked at him, dazed and sleepy and trying to figure out if the guy was swearing at him, the barista added with a waggle of his brows, “Can I take your feckin’ order, or are you just going to stand there looking pretty?”

As Dean blushed and stammered his way through ordering his large black coffee and Sam’s skinny mocha with hazelnut, he silently cursed his brother for not warning him about this place when he’d recommended it.

 

 

> **“Deanna, human!Anna/angel!Dean“**

“It’s because angels aren’t very good at the whole ‘loving humanity’ thing, mostly because they don’t understand all the facets of love, so the idea of me willingly ripping out my Grace to be a human pretty much blows their multidimensional wavelength minds,” Dean explained awkwardly as he finished drawing the last of the warding on the wall.

“So, what, they’re just going to  _kill_  you for being better at your job than they are as if that’s any kind of a fair response?” Anna demanded, brandishing her shotgun towards the window angrily.

“Yeah, well, joke’s on them since they may have figured out  _what_  I am, but they still haven’t worked out  _who_ , and I’ve been down here long enough to pick up my very own shiny human soul to take me right up to Heaven and get my Grace back if they  _do_  kill me,” Dean winked, and Anna wondered if she was the only one who caught the fleeting glimpse of six huge copper wings.

 

 

> **“Saileen, animal shelter AU“**

Animals understand more than most people think they do, Sam had said once to his brother when questioned about why, out of everything he could have done with his life and his fancy college degree, he’d chosen to open an animal shelter. Frankly, Sam figured that the animals all appreciated that the couple of humans who took care of them used sign language instead of yelling and confusing them with loud noises they didn’t understand the meanings of, and it meant he got to watch the graceful movements of Eileen’s hands as she spoke whenever he wanted to.

“Sit,” Eileen signed to the large doberman she was working with, and smiled as the dog obeyed with a wag of his tail before she looked up and signed to Sam, “Quit staring and come play with us already!”

 

 

> **“Gabrazar, artist AU“**

Balthazar was “an artiste!” which, as far as Gabriel could tell, meant that he lay around the house on any horizontal or semi-horizontal surface and smoked pot while complaining about establishment and conformity and the implicity slavery of capitalism. He never failed to produce his share of the artwork that got sent to be displayed and sold in their gallery, however, so Gabriel opened the windows to vent the smoke and paint fumes and prodded Balthazar into the shower once a week when Febreeze couldn’t cover the odor anymore. Balthazar grumbled and complained the whole time and stalked out of the apartment like an offended cat once he was clean and dressed in clothes that didn’t stand up on their own, but he always came back with some new hole-in-the-wall cafe take-out for them to try and a fresh set of acrylics for Gabriel, and Gabriel would smile and accept the offerings with a kiss and their little world kept turning.

 

 

> **“Rubanna, college/high school AU“**

They couldn’t have paired two girls more different than Ruby and Anna together as dorm mates if they had tried, and some of those dorm assignments Anna had gotten in the past were pretty out there. Anna’s conservative Christian upbringing and driven study habits should have clashed horribly with Ruby’s deconstructionist agnostic views and flippant attitude towards her classes and even attendance should have set off more than a few epic catfights between the two, and sure enough they definitely had the occasional squabble, but it was always about little stuff like whose turn it was to do their laundry or take out the trash.

Besides, Anna thought privately as Ruby flopped back onto Anna’s bed in nothing but a thong and a ratty old t-shirt that she’d stolen from some giant she’d dated back in Freshman year, the make-up sex was totally worth it.

 

 

> **“Megstiel, Hogwarts AU“**

“Did you ever think we’d end up like this, Cas?” the girl in ill-fitting Hufflepuff robes asked the boy wearing matching robes beside her as they leaned against each other, watching the stars from the top of the astronomy tower to avoid having to look down at the destroyed grounds still strewn with bodies awaiting identification and removal for medical attention or burial as needed.

“To be completely fair, Meg,” Cas began, dropping one of his hands to cover hers, a spot of warmth against the back in contrast to the cold and pitted stone beneath her palm, “most eleven year olds can’t even imagine defying their parents and families to stand up for what they believe in just for what they want to do when they grow up, never mind picking sides in a war they never thought would happen.”

“Yeah, well, I never thought I’d find a unicorn outside of Care of Magical Creatures, and yet here you are; and besides,” Meg sighed as she picked at the crest on her robes, trying not to think too closely about what could have been if she’d just let the stupid Hat Sort her into Hufflepuff to begin with instead of allowing her family to push her into Slytherin, and closed her eyes to keep back the temptation to look and see if any of the bodies of the unmasked Death Eaters looked familiar, “I’m kinda good now... which sucks.”

 

 

> **“Kabriel, road trip AU“**

“We’re lost, aren’t we?” Kali groaned as her boyfriend actually turned the map upside down to try and read it in an effort to match the terrain and street patterns around them with the lines on the paper.

“We’re not lost, Kali, we’re  _exploring_!” Gabriel scoffed, refusing to meet her eyes as he studied the paper map that had become necessary after their cell phones lost service. “And I think we might be forty miles in the wrong direction after that last turn-off, so... oops?”

 

 

> **“Liladdon, summer camp AU“**

“Alright, troops, this is our biggest battle yet against those holier than thou dicks, so I expect every single one of you to go out there and do me proud, am I clear?” Lilith raised her voice to carry over the assembled crowd of combatants who stood armed and ready.

“Yes, Queen Lilith!” the masses chanted back on cue, lips stretched over teeth bared in bloodthirsty grins that looked rather creepily out of place on such youthful and innocent faces as they saluted Lilith and her second in command Abby.

Abby waited considerately until the others of Red Team began to fan out to their places to wait for the signal to begin the siege before leaning over to murmur in her girlfriend’s ear, “You guys do remember that this is capture the flag, not the war of Heaven, right?”

 

 

> **“Charleen, online video game AU“**

Everyone in the server had at least heard of the terrifying duo that was QueenOfMoons and SilentLuciditeen, who seemed to read each other’s minds since no one ever heard them chatter to each other and yet they managed to pull off spectacular combo attacks and raids; more than one person had complained that one of the two had to be a sock puppet account, but ISP checks always came back with two very different computers in two different parts of the country, so it was left a mystery.

 **QueenOfMoons:**  Hey, I just got some intel on a big boss fight that’s going down, you wanna work those magic hands on your keyboard and help me capture us a sweet little nest egg?

 **SilentLuciditeen:**  Ready and willing to test out reach and flexibility with you anytime!


	4. Chapter 4

> **"Sam Winchester/Daniel Jackson (Supernatural/Stargate SG1), museum AU"**

They’re in two entirely different department wings most of the day-- Daniel is kept busy in the Egyptian Artifacts with his uncanny knack for pictograms and hieroglyphics even despite centuries of weathering against fragile stone and flaking paint, while Sam’s normally towering form is kept hunched over the Medieval European collection and the elaborate and barely legible calligraphy and illuminations crafted by monks who occasionally got very, very bored with their jobs. However, there was a half hour of their respective lunch breaks that inevitably overlapped, and the two were always quick to take advantage of it to sit together and gossip while they were technically still at work.

“So get this,” Sam said as he slid into the seat across from Daniel with his full tray from the museum’s cafeteria, and Daniel would eagerly and seamlessly divide his attention between the remains of his own lunch and whatever new bit of ancient mischief his boyfriend had discovered today.

 

> **"Sabriel, superhero/villain frenemies AU"**

“So, was it just my imagination, or was that fighting back there kind of lacking in your usual luster?” Archangel asked with a raised eyebrow that didn’t quite mask the honest concern lurking beneath the less physical mask.

“So sorry to disappoint,” Demonsbane huffed with a roll of his eyes behind the yellow lenses of his own mask, “but some of us are still exhausted from pulling long shifts and getting paid under the counter just to get a bite to eat because we were declared dead by a corrupt legal system who can’t check their damn facts before cutting off military benefits.”

“...I’m probably gonna get yelled at by my illustrious leader for ‘losing’ you again,” Archangel began at length, “but if you want to make off with some of the contents of Alistair Rack’s safe before I go bust him tomorrow for illegal trafficking, well, you’d probably be doing me a favor getting through his security to turn up the evidence anyway, yeah?”

 

> **"Sastiel, cat AU"**

You wouldn’t think that a fully grown adult male Maine Coon could disappear so completely and thoroughly that it was nigh impossible to track him down, but somehow Sam had done it; considering that it was Castiel’s own initial lashing out in startlement that had sent the bigger tom into hiding, well, Sam’s short-haired half-brother Dean wasn’t exactly leaping at the chance to help Castiel find the wayward cat he’d tasked himself with apologizing to... though how he was supposed to do that was anycat’s guess.

It took a while, but he finally managed to track Sam down to the library, stretched out to nearly twice his usual length in a warm patch of sunlight slanting across the big wooden desk against one wall, but he still roused enough to open one green-gold eye the moment Castiel got close. The seal point Siamese lowered his head and ears contritely and squeezed his blue eyes closed for the space of a heartbeat and waited, and he was rewarded when Sam flicked one ear and rolled onto his side, exposing his belly and lifting one paw to invite Castiel to curl up in the sunlight with him-- an invitation that Castiel was more than happy to accept, relieved that he had been forgiven.

 

> **"Sastiel, Star Trek fusion AU"**

“C’mon, Cas, you’re a telepath, can’t you do anything?” Dean demanded, gesturing at where his brother was seizing against the restraints, trapped in a mental battle only he could perceive.

“You’re confusing Betazoids with Vulcans again, Dean,” Cas growled, hands clenched as he fought against the urge to reach out for his lover as the neural activity readings spiked again, “neither of which are prone to clairvoyance the way your brother is, and I’m monitoring him as closely as I can without getting pulled in there with him and overwhelmed-- wait a second, I think something’s happening!”

The spike, worse than the previous ones, evened out and all of the levels dropped down towards REM sleep as Sam’s body settled slowly and shakily against the biobed, tears spilling from beneath his closed eyelids as he breathed a single word: “Mom....”

 

> **"Sabriel, Selkie AU"**

They met at the edge of town, the giant of a fisherman with the gentle smile named Sam and the golden-eyed traveller with the mischievous grin who called himself Gabriel, and almost immediately struck up with one another to the point that even the fisherman’s brother teased them about love at first sight, and perhaps he wasn’t wrong... at least, not entirely wrong.

“I should be getting home,” Gabriel said with a sigh and a reluctant glance towards the sea as the sun dipped low towards the horizon, the evening breeze stirring up and chilling limbs not used to such direct cold; Sam followed his gaze with a pensive frown, then echoed Gabriel’s sigh and nodded.

“You’ll need this, then,” he said as he reached into the pack that had never once left his side and pressed a folded bundle of golden brown seal skin into Gabriel’s arms, smiling a little apologetically at the stunned expression on the selkie’s face as he stepped back with a farewell salute and a quiet, “Come visit again any time, if you ever want to.”

 

> **"Samifer, Animal Shapeshifter AU"**

“We’re not so different when you think about it, you know,” Lucifer purred as he stalked sinuously towards the taller shapeshifter, eyes glinting with a feral hunger in the fading light as he raked his gaze over the tanned skin and toned body visible through the ripped human clothing. “Both of us shunned and cast out of our respective Clans just for being different from everyone else, for having minds of our own, why... we’re practically made for each other, Sammy~”

“My Clan never cast me out,” Sam spat, drawing himself up and circling around, refusing to let the other lion corner him or pin him down, physically other otherwise; he knew his brothers were coming for him, to find him and help him, and so he bared his teeth in a challenging snarl and growled, “And  _you_  don’t  _ever_  get to call me ‘Sammy’.”

 

> **"Sastiel, Zombie Apocalypse AU"**

“So what do you think, zombie kill of the week?” Lawrence Kansas asked, looking over his shoulder at his brother and their companion with a raised eyebrow as he gestured to the dead zombie he’d just finished clobbering to death with a banjo. His brother, Lebanon, snorted and held up a hastily drawn scorecard with the number “9″ while the man who called himself Pontiac Illinois and wore his dead twin’s brown overcoat like a shield tilted his head to one side consideringly.

“Duck,” Pontiac intoned, and raised his shotgun just in time to doubletap the zombie that burst around the shelves straight for Lawrence who just barely managed to duck out of the way, scowling at Lebanon and the altered score card that now read “10″.

 

> **"Sastiel, 'I lost a bet with my brother and had to dress up as a clown and omg I’m so sorry I didn’t realize you were afraid of clowns' AU"**

Sam listened with half an ear to his boyfriend’s babbled apologies and self-recriminations as he handed over the wet towel for Castiel to finish cleaning off his face, careful not to pay too close attention to the discarded pile of electric blue curls or to the lingering smears of white and blue and red and black face paint still dotting his skin and streaking the ill-fitting multicolored and ruffled jumpsuit.

“...so incredibly sorry, Sam, I swear I had no idea or I never would have let Gabriel push me into wearing this to fulfill the bet, I should have realized sooner, it’s not like you’re subtle about hating McDonald’s or Burger King--”

“In all fairness,” Sam said as he reached up and cut off Castiel’s rambling with one slender finger to reddened and puffy lips, “hating fast food places isn’t exactly an automatic warning bell for coulrophobia.”


	5. Chapter 5

> **"Debriel, two miserable people meeting at a wedding AU"**

“You look about as miserable to be here as I feel right now,” a dry voice spoke up from near Gabriel’s elbow, sending a bolt of panic through the man as he hastily tried to school his features into something more jovial because he would be damned to Hell and back as the Devil’s personal bunk buddy before he ruined this day for his little brother and his ex, no matter how much it hurt to see Sam that happy with someone else; it was almost a relief to see that the speaker was Dean, Sam’s best man and older brother, but he kept his tone as light as he could force it as he said, “Then you must feel fabulous, Dean-o, because I know I look it!”

"Tell it to someone who didn't just watch his best friend get married to his little brother in front of his little brother’s ex-boyfriend who also happens to be the older brother of said best friend,” Dean said knowingly, then paused and gave Gabriel a very obvious once-over before adding with a waggle of his eyebrows, “and while you're at it tell me how you feel about ill-advised and slightly drunken revenge sex.”

“Sure, what the hell, I always was a sucker for a pair of pretty eyes,” Gabriel snorted, raising his glass in a mock-toast before throwing back what remained of the champagne inside, then let Dean pull him to his feet and lead him out of the reception hall to the hotel elevators; he resolutely didn’t even once glance back.

 

> **"Sastiel, Adopting a Kitten AU"**

Sam and Castiel didn’t so much adopt the black and gold calico kitten as the kitten very insistently adopted the two of them and refused to take no for an answer; not that Sam was all too insistent on trying to say no to either Castiel or their new cat.

Dean blustered and railed and shouted and sneezed, but in the end momentum won out and so long as the newly christened Pollen stayed out of the Impala and Dean’s room in the Bunker the grumbling was kept to a minimum, and both Sam and Castiel politely (and with considerable more restraint than Dean deserved) pretended not to see the elder Winchester slipping her bacon under the table at breakfast.

All objections he could have had to the cat became moot when Pollen kept the crazy blonde British lady from shooting Sam and banishing Castiel by leaping onto her head claws first.

 

> **"Sastiel, Beekeeper AU"**

Dean refused to even go near Eden’s Milk and Honey, given the store’s close proximity to the farm and bee hives from which all their products were made, so Sam always made the weekly trip alone and ignored his brother’s griping complaints about why was it even necessary to drive all the way out to the sticks just to buy milk, cheese, honey, and candles. Sam rolled his eyes and didn’t bother to try and explain the benefits of getting milk from a certified organic, cruelty-free farm again, because his arguments just seemed to go in one ear and out the other with his brother and the one argument that Dean would have listened to - Sam’s fascination with soft dark hair and mesmerizing blue eyes of  the owner and chief beekeeper and a dry wit expressed with a soft and gentle voice that melted his insides and occasionally sent him blushing - was not one that Sam was all that eager to share until he absolutely had to.

And that was just fine, Castiel assured him every week, because he was in just as much of a non-hurry to explain to his sister that their most loyal customer was coming by for more sweetness than just what Castiel’s bees provided.

 

> **"Sabriel, Cooking Show AU (with Gordon Ramsey)"**

Most of the people who tuned into “Kitchen Tricks” on Food Network every Tuesday, eager to watch Gabriel l’Engle take them through time saving tips and healthy or cost-saving recipe substitutions, never would have guessed that the “example hands” seen in closeup shots of chopping and cutting and measuring belonged to Gabriel’s husband. Even fewer would have realized that the shy young man who avoided the camera so assiduously might also be the head chef at “Diabolique”, a moderately upscale theme bar and restaurant that had the dubious honor of getting most of their first time customers because people confused the restaurant with Hell’s Kitchen and were looking for Gordon Ramsey. So it came as a considerable surprise the one time Chef Ramsey himself showed up at the restaurant to meet the reclusive head chef whose balanced healthy and decadent menu was getting such positive attention and the entire floor heard the sudden exclamation, “Holy shit, you’re the Trickster’s Hands!”

 

> **"Sastiel, Dungeons & Dragons AU"**

“For the last time, Dean, I’m not going to just start casting spells randomly to ‘attack the darkness’ or whatever it is you want; what if we get attacked and I’m useless to help fight because you made me blow all my magical energy reserve casting ‘Magic Missile’?” the elven mage demanded in irritation, folding his arms over his chest.

“If your Magic Missile takes up all your energy in one shot, clearly we missed a very important facet of your development,” the barbarian drawled, then added with a waggle of his eyebrows in case his meaning was in any way unclear, “Like  _stamina,_ eh Cas?”

“I have absolutely no complaints about Sam’s stamina last night,” the cleric deadpanned, and reached over to take the blushing mage’s hand as the barbarian started spluttering about “too much information”.

_For more brilliance of Sam, Dean and Cas playing D &D with Charlie and Kevin in the Bunker, go check out @posingasme ‘s awesome fic, [The Game Is On](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7019983)!_

 

> **"Sastiel, I locked myself out of my apartment in the middle of the night and climbed through the wrong window and wow this is awkward AU"**

“Well, uh, this is rather awkward,” Castiel said, blinking owlishly in the light of the living room of the apartment he had been attempting to climb into through the window after he’d locked himself out that morning-- the apartment of his too handsome for Castiel’s own good neighbor, judging by the sleepy and somewhat bemused man studying him like a particularly fascinating puzzle.

“Tell you what,” he neighbor said around a yawn, “it’s way too late to be doing this right now, so how about I lend you my guest room and a toothbrush and you can tell me what had you coming through my window at two in the morning over breakfast, if you’re good with that?”

Dumbly, Castiel nodding and followed his neighbor down the hall, only to scamper back across the living room, face burning a bright red, when the man called back over his shoulder, “And shut the window, please; no reason to invite in more handsome midnight visitors!”

 

> **"Samichael, Hockey AU"**

The fight broke out and every hockey player not at the epicenter immediately searched out and found the nearest opposing team member to grab ahold of in order to mutually restrain themselves and each other from getting dragged in and penalized. By sheer luck of position - good luck or bad luck was yet to be seen - Michael Gottlieb ended up in mutual bodycheck with Sam Winchester, the man frequently referred to as the Red-Wing Demon for his speed and aggressiveness on the ice, and the person who had dominated quite a few of Michael’s more, ah, private moments.

“You good?” Winchester breathed, looking away from the fighting to meet Michael’s eyes with an almost incongruous gentleness, and Michael found himself responding without thought, “If I say no, will you hold me tighter?”


	6. Chapter 6

> **"Sastiel, ice skating AU"**

It took a while before they could find a town with a skating rink that was close enough to get to and spend a few hours at without setting off Dean’s increasing paranoia; the Mark just made everything worse, enhancing the negative quirks Dean had always had, and making it difficult enough to be around him for long periods of time, even knowing they needed to try in order to remind Dean of what he was fighting the Mark  _for_ \-- assuming he was even still fighting it instead of just riding its flow of rage, but neither Sam nor Castiel wanted to think about that, and fulfilling Sam’s promise to teach Castiel how to ice skate turned out to be an ideal diversion.

Ice skating wasn’t like hunting, not in the respect that Sam could just jump back into it at the same level he used to be after years of nothing, but his life as a hunter had kept him physically fit and flexible enough that it didn’t take much in the way of stretching off to the side before Sam felt loose-limbed enough to take to the ice in the borrowed rink skates and do a quick warm-up lap around the ice before returning to the entry point door and holding out a hand to Castiel who didn’t hesitate to take it and allow Sam to help him onto the ice. They made an odd pair, Sam was sure - him dressed in sweatpants and his old Stanford hoodie to ward off the chill of the rink, Castiel still in a suit and tie and brown overcoat which made him stand out all the more among the weekday morning athletes in various iterations of workout gear - but as Castiel gained more confidence in his balance on the thin metal blades of the skates, as he stopped leaning as desperately on Sam and began truly skating  _with_  him, as they completed a full circuit around the rink without either of them wobbling and Castiel turned his head up and  _beamed_  at Sam.... for just that moment in time, those few short hours, Sam just couldn’t bring himself to care about anything else at all.

_For more of this universe featuring secret ice-skater Sam, see[Mis-skatin’ Identity](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12155205)._

 

> **"Sabriel, Fell Asleep Testing Mattresses, Woken Up By Mall Security AU"**

“C’mon now, I know the bed is really comfortable and I hate to have to do this, but it’s time to wake up,” the low voice murmured as a gentle hand shook Gabriel’s shoulder.

“Noooooooooo, g’way, Cassie,” he mumbled, adding in a petulant tone in hopes of making his brother see sense and leave him to sleep, “I was finally about to get to ask out that hot security guard at the mall, but if I wake up Sam won’t say ‘yes’!”

There was a low choked noise, followed by the sound of a throat clearing, and Gabriel very nearly fell off the bed when the voice that was definitely  _not_  his brother’s said, “Well, on the other hand, if you go ahead and wake up you’ve got just enough time to ask me out to dinner.”

 

> **"Charwena, Meeting In Prison AU"**

Celeste Middleton, alias Charlie Bradbury, was no stranger to getting arrested, even though it was usually a case of mistaken identity when it happened; sometimes it was even legitimately mistaken identity, since Charlie was many things - orphan, runaway, con artist, hacker, lesbian - but she wasn’t nearly Scottish enough to pull off being “Rowena MacLeod”.

The woman sharing her cell, however, could easily have been Rowena; she had a rather musical purr of a voice as she lamented how few people there were who understood the joys of, as she put it, being “sexually progressive in this century,” and didn’t she think it was a shame for women to be forced to settle when they could  _sample,_  and so what if she made a little extra money for it when in this economy every penny counted? Charlie made a mental note to look the woman up sometime... once her partners came through for her and bailed her out again, anyway.

 

> **"Sabriel, My Brother Stole Your Dog to Make My Shy Arse Talk to You AU"**

“Take the dog, I’ll explain later,” Dean had said as he practically shoved a struggling Corgi into Sam’s chest, forcing Sam to grab ahold of the poor animal to keep it from falling to the ground as Dean raced away from him.

“What the--  _Cadbury_?!” Sam almost squawked as he managed to get enough of a grip on the dog to pull it back and get a good enough look at it to realize that he recognized the dog’s unique chocolate and caramel markings on his fur, markings Sam was all too used to seeing accompanied by the handsome golden-eyed man who lived next door, and whom Sam would have given his right arm to make his shy ass have a chance at worshipping with his body like the man was a pagan deity.

“Either I’m about to be sacrificed to your master,” he told the confused corgi who was cautiously wagging his tail for the human who said his name, “or I’m going to have to kill my brother.”

 

> **"Sastiel, Stuck Outside The Dorm During a Fire Drill in Nothing But a Towel AU"**

It was bad enough to be stuck outside the dorm at nine pm in January (and thank God they were in California, but still,  _January_ ) because someone had set off the fire alarm for the third time that week, but Sam was seriously considering drawing the line for his tolerance of this bullshit at this  _also_  being the third time in a row that the fire alarm had gone off while he was in the dorm’s shower facilities; the first time he had been lucky and hadn’t even undressed, and the second time he had just managed to get into his pajamas, but this time... this time, he was stuck outside in January at nine in the evening in nothing but a threadbare blue towel with his hair still wet, and he was not liking some of the looks he was garnering from his classmates for his state of attire or lack thereof.

“I might just get lynched for offering,” said a low voice next to Sam, which turned out to belong to Castiel, the blue-eyed TA that Sam was quietly crushing on for the third semester in a row, currently swallowed up in an oversized plush blanket, “but if you can deal with the awkwardness, I’m willing to share my blanket as protective covering.”

“I can handle awkward if it means they’ll stop staring,” Sam promised, shuffling closer as Castiel the shorter man unwound one blanket-covered arm to draw Sam in close against his side before carefully unwinding the other arm to slip around Sam in an embrace and complete the circle, whereupon Sam discovered exactly what Castiel had meant about awkwardness and why he was so bundled up in the first place, but even with his face heating in a blush to match Castiel’s own Sam wasn’t about to move away from the press of Castiel’s naked body against his own beneath the blanket.

 

> **"Sam/Phichit, YURI!!! On Ice Crossover AU"**

Nine years after the Apocalypse had been averted, and Sam Winchester was still understandably disinclined to ever set foot in Detroit ever again, even if (or perhaps  _especially_  if) the world was ending; naturally, that was where a case cropped up that Castiel apologetically insisted would require Sam’s more unique talents to investigate properly.

It turned out that the best way to get an in with the witnesses and get access to the records they needed to look over was to have someone go in and pose as the substitute coach to the novices ice skating class, and as Castiel had said, it was definitely a job Sam was well-suited for, much to his chagrin and Dean’s surprise; even more flabbergasting for Dean was just how  _good_  Sam was out on the ice when he could have sworn the closest his little brother had even come to putting on a pair of skates was a stolen pair of rollerblades in eighth grade. But there Sam was, competent skater and patient teacher of children, gliding across the ice like he was fucking born on it, and if the way that Thai skater warming up on the other side of the rink was eyeing him, well, Dean had a feeling that the ghost haunting the place wouldn’t be the only thing Sammy ended up “catching” this trip!

_For more of this universe featuring secret ice-skater Sam, see[Mis-skatin’ Identity](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12155205)._

 

> **"Sam/Cas/Kevin, I'm pining for my brother's best friend and his adorable boyfriend AU"**

Sam sighed and downed the last dregs of his second beer for the night in an effort to force himself to stop staring across the room at where his brother’s best friend, Castiel Angletti, was sitting with Kevin Tran-- honor student, valedictorian, president of the linguistics club, and Castiel’s boyfriend of four months. It wasn’t that Sam had a problem with his brother’s best friend dating another guy, far from it - Sam was many things, such as selfish, cowardly, angry at the world, and too smart and sarcastic for his own damn good, but he tried not to be a hypocrite - but he’d been quietly crushing on Castiel for years without even the slimmest hope that his feelings might have possibly been returned, and it just figured that the moment he got the hint that Castiel might not be as straight as he’d assumed and could be interested in getting together with a guy instead of a girl, it was because Castiel was hooking up with Sam’s  _other_  long-standing crush; Sam just couldn’t win, and wow, he really needed to cut himself off at two beers, because somehow he’d lost track of Cas and Kev--

“So... we noticed you sitting over here all by your lonesome while staring in our direction like your world was ending,” Kevin said abruptly from right beside Sam’s left elbow, causing Sam to jump and stutter, only to find his throat close up around a lump of shock and hope and fear and longing and heavy, heady  _lust_  as Castiel purred into Sam’s right ear, “And we thought we’d just come on over here and see if all that staring means you’re down to let the two of us  _rock_  your world instead... say, for the rest of summer at the very least?”

 

> **"Chuck plus Angels, Three Little Pigs Parody AU"**

It was probably Gabriel’s fault; inevitably, if it wasn’t Lucifer getting up to mischief, it could pretty much always be traced back to Gabriel somehow.

“Forgive us Father,” the gaggle of angels outside his door chorused, “for we have sinny sin sinned~!”

Chuck sighed and cracked open another bottle of whiskey as he wondered if it would be all  _that_  bad of an idea to move in with his sister for a while....


	7. Oh My Chuck, We're Back Again!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been an age and a half since I filled and posted any of these! Here's tonight's set, and I'll see if I can doa half dozen more tomorrow while the snow buries me!

> **CaSaMichael,[Based on this post ](https://thallencambricaltran.tumblr.com/post/181961020189/writing-prompt-s-you-are-a-freshman-collage)Roommates AU**

**I** T REALLY DIDN'T matter one way or another to Sam whether his roommates had secrets - like Castiel being a vigilante hero in his rare moments of spare time between classes and shifts at the school library, or that Michael was probably running a crime syndicate branch out of their dorm from his laptop - so long as they both did their share of the clean-up and cooking and only woke him up in the middle of the night if one of them was bleeding from somewhere awkward to patch up. Unfortunately, it seemed to matter quite a bit to somebody, considering Sam was currently tied to a chair in a deserted cargo-container temporary classroom on the far end of campus with a blonde psycho telling another psycho with one whited out eye and an obvious knife fetish to make sure not to kill Sam too quickly so as to make the message he wanted to send unclear.

The door bursting open from a powerful kick was almost expected, really, though Sam had not expected it to happen in stereo from two separate directions; there they both were, though, Michael wearing black and red leather and Castiel wearing blue and black spandex over body armor and a black domino mask that really didn’t hide enough of his face for Sam not to recognize him, and all he could find it in him to say was, “About time you guys showed up, ‘cause I have a term paper due by tomorrow and you know I hate rushing assignments last minute!”

 

> **Sastiel, Soulmates AU**

**A** NGELS DO NOT have souls. This was a truth Castiel had known for as long as he could remember, watching humanity struggle through the emergence of language and writing that was a forerunner to the soulmarks they would bear with the name of their soulmate, their other half, branded by his Father on their skin when they came of age and could find the person meant to complete them, and he had known for just as long that he, who loved humanity so much, would not be able to offer a human that same deep connection of soul to soul because as an Angel of the Lord… he did not have one.

Why then, he wondered as he reached out to take the hand of the excited and wide-eyed boy Heaven dismissed as an abomination, was his name seared into the flesh and soul of Sam Winchester, the boy with the demon blood?

 

> **Sastiel, Superhero AU**

**I**  DON’T SUPPOSE that I could convince you to pretend you didn’t see anything?” the man who, when properly masked and anonymous in his black armored bodysuit with blue and white wing marks, went by the name of Rook, but typically went by the name of Castiel Ekran when he was running around as Sam’s college roommate asked hopefully, slumping in dismay and regret when Sam slowly shook his head in the negative. “Red Knight is going to gut me like a fish for getting caught by a civilian like this….”

“Nah, my jerk brother won’t gut you,” Sam spoke up, politely ignoring the way Castiel choked at the casual way he was calling the Commander of the League of Heroes his brother  _and_  a jerk as he added in disgust, “He’s just going to spend the next eighty or so years crowing at me that he told me so.”

 

> **Sabriel, Gabriel Is Willy Wonka AU**

**S** AM HAD GROWN up with the same stories of Gabriel Scrumptious, the mysterious and magical Candyman, just the same as any of his peers, though he had been a touch less cynical than his own father had been when passing the stories on to his son Jack; John Winchester could never conceive of someone doing something as harebrained as dropping out of the military to open a luxury-quality candy factory with his share of a multi-billion dollar inheritance which sold in shops for pre-inflation prices with no corners cut on quality. Sam still cautioned Jack against taking everything at face value, knowing all too well from personal experience that he hoped Jack never had to learn of that even the most well-meaning, kind-seeming person always had their own agenda to follow, even if he did not subscribe to John’s belief that all hidden agendas were inherently selfish; there was still a bit of the optimist in Sam, despite life’s frequent attempts to knock him down, and he could only hope that Jack would be able to carry that optimism into adulthood one day.

Standing in the line of parents right behind the row of kids who had each found golden tickets to enter the magical candyland factory of the stories like some sugarspun fairytale, Sam met the sparkling golden eyes of the Candyman himself and wondered if maybe, just maybe, a few of the stories of the man’s magic weren’t a little more accurate than he had thought.

 

> **Charlie/Anna, Hackers AU**

**N** O ONE KNEW their real names, but just about everyone had heard at least one tale about Rose Red and the Queen of Moons bandied about in the dark corners of chat rooms and message boards, skittering posts that disappeared quickly lest they attract attention from either of the two or the hunters that dogged their cyberspace trails to dead end after dead end. Princess and Queen among the hackers, cybernetic Robin Hood types who fleeced corrupt megacorporations and scattered their gains among many and varied charities and aid centers known for their transparency and up front accounting and commitment to helping people in need.

“Who are Rose Red and the Queen of Moons?” Agent Anna Milton was once heard to ask in puzzlement as the FBI’s chief computer analyst, Charlene Bradbury, patted her girlfriend’s shoulder in sympathy… because none of these dogs set to catch the red wolves who regularly picked over the sheep and the chickens ever guessed they might be hiding in the kennel.


	8. Chapter 8

> **Kabriel, Florist AU**

**H** OW DO I say ‘fuck you’ in flower?” the incredibly hot Indian woman demanded as she slapped two twenty dollar bills down on the counter in front of Gabriel, dark eyes flashing and ruby-painted lips framing perfectly white gritted teeth.

“Um,” Gabriel swallowed, hoping that the flare of arousal that the visible anger of this stunning goddess of a woman was inspiring in him wasn’t as painfully obvious as he thought it must be, and stammered, “is this a ‘fuck you, you cheating bastard’ type of flower arrangement you’re looking for? Because I’d be happy to throw in a free consolation ‘I’m sorry for your pain’ bouquet with my number…”

 

> **Sam/Jess, bakery AU**

**T** HE LITTLE BAKERY was called “Moore Cakes, Please” and had probably been named by the owner’s brother-in-law, because the pun smacked of Dean’s sense of humor and Jessica Moore Winchester was absolutely his distaff counterpart in many ways that made those who knew her and her husband, Dean’s younger brother Sam, whisper behind their hands about just what Sam’s relationship with his brother might have been before Jess came along. “Contentious” would have been the correct answer, much to their surprise; Dean had been just as bewildered as their father by Sam’s desire to use his full ride Stanford scholarship to major in culinary arts with an eye to becoming a baker, especially given that the Winchesters’ nomadic lifestyle and upbringing meant that Sam’s total experience in the kitchen prior to reaching Stanford was next to nil. Even Jess, who had met Sam in their shared art class during her first year and his third, was surprised to learn about Sam’s background when the cupcake he’d asked her to taste melted in her mouth like a bite of Heaven, but she was not going to be foolish enough to discourage him and even signed on as partner to finance the opening of the bakery, before the reconciliation with Dean, and well before Sam presented her with another expertly frosted cupcake, this one topped with a question written in icing and a gold and diamond ring.

 

> **Dean/Benny, diner AU**

**H** ERE YOU ARE, sir, one authentic blackened Cajun burger with swiss on rye and a bowl of Brunswick stew,” Dean rattled off as he set plate and bowl down in front of one of the diner’s infrequent repeat customers, a trucker named Benny who Dean was ninety-six percent sure was actually from Louisiana given that he never even batted an eye at the level of spice that loaded down the burger he always ordered.

“Much obliged, brother,” Benny answered with a tip of his flatcap and a decidedly non-brotherly gleam in his eyes as he looked Dean up and down, his gaze scorching enough to make Dean near enough break out in a sweat and run to the back to check for burn blisters.

“H-holler if you need anything else,” Dean managed, cursing himself for the stutter even as he turned and fled, sternly reminding himself that it was a Bad Idea to get involved with a trucker - Dad always said those were the types to take a pretty boy for a ride, drain ‘em dry, and spit them out on the side of the road as another statistic in some highway cop’s notebook - but as he felt that smouldering stare on his back (and backside) all the way to the door to the kitchen, as he resisted the urge to glance back and see if he was right and Benny was getting himself an eyeful before he got a mouthful of his actual meal, Dean had to admit to himself that Benny Lafitte made him want to be a little reckless.

 

> **Sastiel “my brother dared me to dress up for our DND meet up with friends and I totally knocked on the wrong door, this sword is fake, please don’t call the police” AU**

**T** HE RUSHED WORDS tumbled over each other in the frenzied hurry to get out into the air as the speaker, an unfairly attractive man with tousled dark hair and incredible blue eyes that stood out against the black and purple-gray face paint that redefined his features from human to distinctly drow-like, shuffled awkwardly on Sam Winchester’s doorstep, trying and failing to look small and unimposing despite the barbarian wardrobe that revealed equally paint-adorned smooth skin over firm muscle and the “sword” he was unable to fully conceal for its size.

“Yeah, I can tell the sword is fake, though it’s pretty good for a foam prop,” Sam said absently, studying the sword with a critical eye so as not to stare too obviously at the rest of his unexpected visitor who was… gaping at him in a not-unattractive way; suddenly, Sam was rethinking his irritation at Dean for volunteering their apartment to host this week’s D&D session without asking the brother who had classes to study for that prevented him from joining in. It was even more worth it to see those blue eyes gleam with mischief and that handsome face split into a wicked grin when Sam added, “Everyone else is already in the back, so how would you like to really make an entrance?”

 

> **Sastiel “I’ve accidentally liked one of you Facebook photos because my friend was tagged and now I’ve been stalking for profile for the past hour” AU**

**I** T WASN’T THAT Sam hated Castiel Osteguna - far from it, if he was being completely honest, though he took care not to let on to anyone who might repeat it - but ever since their rather disastrous first meeting Sam had been convinced that Castiel hated  _him_ , which rather put a damper on any inclinations Sam might have had to further contact between them other than what was unavoidable due to their mutual affection for Dean… and Dean swore up and down that the affection Castiel had for him was just friendship which, on the one hand, relieved Sam’s mind because he didn’t have to worry about ever walking in on the two of them in flagrante delicto one of these days, but on the other hand it didn’t allow Sam that safety net of “Dean’s; off limits” to keep his traitorous heart from developing the world’s most embarrassing and gigantic crush on Castiel.

So avoidant was he of any unnecessary contact between them, that Sam hadn’t even known Castiel knew what Facebook even was, much less that he had an account, until he had Liked a picture tagged with Dean’s user name showing his brother obviously drunk with a tie around his head like a bandana and trying to “dance” on a street sign like it was a stripper pole, only realizing afterwards that the user who had posted it was Castiel; too late to take back the Like even if that was Sam’s style - which it wasn’t - and so Sam didn’t really think anyone could blame him for kinda sorta maybe stalking the older man’s profile, drinking in this unexpected glimpse of a Castiel that Sam never got to see told in snapshots and pithy political posts spliced together with random memes. So caught up was he in his new discovery of this whole new facet of his crush that only made Sam fall even harder, that he nearly missed it when Castiel’s profile page updated with a new status:  _“Quietly freaking out, best friend’s hot brother liked my photo, what do I do??”_

**Author's Note:**

> 1) Give me a pairing.
> 
> 2) Give me an AU setting.
> 
> 3) I will write you a three-sentence fic.
> 
>  
> 
> [Prompt me?](http://ladylilithprime.tumblr.com/ask)


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